we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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