I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
