I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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