having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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