Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just invented taco cereal.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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