help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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