u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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