At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
