I must be too annoying 4 u.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
