you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
