I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
