Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
