Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
