can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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