I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
