it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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