If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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