i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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