uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
