How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize