i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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