I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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