The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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