My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
