Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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