yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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