you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
