I bet he comes in French.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Come share oat with me in your robe
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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