Plan B is the new Plan A
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
