Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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