I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
