so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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