Cold hands, warm shart.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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