barbara walters just said penis...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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