brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
its liver damage thursday
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
