I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
