I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
