Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
