smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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