I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
