This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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