no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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