today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
