just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
