Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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