Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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