Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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