those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
