Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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