Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
