Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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