You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
