Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
