he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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