Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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