ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
