I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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