We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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