Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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