i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
