is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
