At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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