so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
