Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
