I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
