last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
