I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
