I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
