watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
