last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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