Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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