I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
