I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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