Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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