So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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